There is so much in life that is truly not how it appears. The illusions before us distort reality and cause many of us to start to create a sub-reality to try to “keep up” with the illusions around us.
Why do we function from so many illusions? What is stopping us from loving what we are enough to bare it all? I believe there is an idea that we are on fixed time, that we have to conquer or be conquered, that if we aren’t on and doing and going that we will be doomed to mediocrity.
I believe we function from fear and a feeling of being lost in nothingness. We see people around us in high gear and feel that we are getting left behind. We get hard on ourselves and start to question our worthiness and start to shame ourselves for not being enough.
Within this blog I want to share my unique perspective on this lifetime and how I believe everything is connected spiritually. I want it to be a place that I can share my complete truth and give the same comfort that I am seeking. I want to be 100% honest and real so that at least in my corner of this planet I attract more of that into my world. Because if we aren’t completely honest and real what are we really doing?
There is a definite part of me that wants to be seen in a certain light, the zen spiritual one, where all is calm on my internal seas. The one where who is completely connected with her soul and in the flow of love and abundance Here’s the thing, there is a part of me that is that, but there is this other part that could be described as a complete shit show who happens to love angels!! More than anything I don’t want to deny any part of myself. I’ve been there and done that and it is exhausting! All of it is amazing because all of it is 100% me. I don’t deny any part of myself, and things change within my internal landscape pretty quickly. I want my readers to know that being connected to your soul and being a master of your energy does not necessarily mean your life looks “picture perfect”. It doesn’t mean that you will never feel anger or be irritated as all get out from time to time. Getting closer to who you are has nothing to do with becoming “more” of something, and everything to do with revealing what has been there all a long. You have always been whole…..Always!
Get comfortable being honest…..for real honest
Being honest doesn’t always come easy when you are caught up in the illusion that life has to look a certain way in order for it to be ok. I will be totally honest and upfront because I don’t want anyone to paint an image of me or my life that is an illusion. I will share a lot of soulful, spiritual, warm and fuzzy, universal knowledge here, because I love the higher vibe. In the ethers kind of knowledge is where I am most comfortable. This is where my light shines the brightest and I want to own that completely. In no way does it mean that I have a “secret” to living life. It doesn’t mean I have an opportunity that you just cant afford to pass up. It doesn’t mean that I believe there is a right or wrong way to live life.
Becoming more vulnerable
It is my desire to learn to be more and more vulnerable. I believe vulnerable is where we are all actually connected. We live in a super connected world and absorb information at an incredibly high rate. Facebook and all the other social media platforms are an incredible blessing, but I know I have learned how to share only the highlight reels in my life. This means if you aren’t an integral part of my everyday world meaning you’re not my daughter, my dog, my husband or my fish you could draw some assumptions about me that are not my whole truth. When we do this with enough “friends” in our lives we can start to believe that we are some how less than everybody else or even worse better than someone else.
Becoming vulnerable is where we can lay some of our not so pretty truths and connect on that level where we are all navigating quickly changing waters and doing the very best we can. When we can detach emotionally, which is actually a good thing, we are able to release judgment of ourselves and others and own more of who we are. We can let go of all of that outside “gotta get somewhere better than where I am” chatter and finally learn how to be for a moment and connect to that part of us that has always known the way. We can trust that our lives will unfold in the present moment and have zero assumptions about how that should look.
I no longer strive for anything
That may sound sad to some people. It may sound like I have “given up” on myself or my life. Heck, sometimes I even question where this train is taking me! The thing is even when I try to find something to GO FOR with gusto, make something new happen or get some goals in my life nothing sticks in that way for me anymore. As I connect more and more to my truth within the more that human side that always has to be achieving something has no real place to be. It is funny the more this part of me takes a rest and shuts up, the more I can connect with the simple life dreams that have always been there. The ones that are simply a part of my joy and require no real effort to move toward. They just emerge from the background. In a strange way that I am still learning to trust, it feels like the more I follow this quieter path the more I feel like those bigger dreams will all of us sudden find their way to me.
I am not striving for perfection, I am not striving for a “better life” I am not striving for anything. I have no goals, nothing that I have to accomplish, nothing that I have to become. I know I don’t have to be “better” in order to get anywhere. I know that it is ok to be honest about where I am in each moment. Sometimes that is right in line with my deeper truths and sometimes that is freaking the f#$k out wondering if I am screwing up. Sometimes that is enjoying the present moment and sometimes that is melting down inside wondering if the future holds anything good for me. Sometimes that is recognizing the abundance around me and trusting that I will always have the guidance and support I need and sometimes that is scared to death I wont always feel secure and will have to scramble to make things happen.
Breaking it down in the spirit of truth and honesty
So, yes I 100% believe in the truth that I share, but I am not always 100% residing within those truths. I am a lovely human being but part of what makes me lovely is the not so pretty truth of where I reside some of the time. I have some beautiful moments and I have some freak out moments where I just want to be rescued.
Here is a list of things about me that don’t sound spiritual, soulful or even positive! It is my reality though and sharing it means sharing the truth. I want you to know my truth. I don’t believe we are here to embody perfection. I believe we are already perfect, but happen to be souls trying to do earth life in fat suits, and sometimes that doesn’t look so pretty or perfect.
- Most days, I would really prefer to be left alone……even though I home school my daughter.
- I question and doubt my abilities and worthiness everyday.
- I cant stand the idea of having a ton of outside commitments.
- I really despise playing with my daughter. I love activities, but playing is so not my thing! Barbie can take a flying leap….seriously. (banishing mom guilt here)
- I rarely feel the need to help others. (if I say yes to helping it is because I genuinely desire to do so.)
- I think I want to do something, and then within the next 10 min I forgot what that something was.
- There are moments where I think it’s funny that we are here doing what we do as humans. (all the striving and working and pressure….I think we will look back and laugh at all of it)
- When someone says you have to bust butt, work hard and show up for life I literally want to stab my eye with a pencil.
- I can feel on top of the world one second and then the next freak out because someone wiped their toast crumbs on the floor.
- I have zero issue disappearing to go take a nap. I will straight up not say a word and hide somewhere for a nap, even if it’s my car.
- Small talk is a form of torture to me.
So that is my short list!!
There was a time that I would have hid these truths, but now I embrace them. They don’t make me bad or negative or unworthy they are a part of me in this moment. They may all change at some point, but they are nothing that I have to try to rid myself of. Right now they are part of what makes me perfect.
Look at all of those areas of your life that you feel make you less than perfect, those parts of you you feel you need to remedy, get better about or turn around and just love them for a moment. Laugh at them and own them. Be vulnerable about them. Be real.
Every part of you, every truth you embody right now has purpose. Send love to all of those areas. Resistance and fighting against those “darker” parts will only give them grounds to stay around. Let the truth that all parts of you are always in divine and perfect order seep into your reality.